Lost.

How do you know when you are truly lost in life? Is there a sign, or something trying to remind you that you aren’t who you used to be and you have no idea where you are going? I think I lost myself, I also lost everything that was important to me. Last time I posted I was with my boyfriend at the time trying to buy a house, and now I’m alone in my bed wondering what happened. I honestly think people change you, people make you. It’s all about choice, it’s about letting them change you, they don’t just do it alone of course but I think they have the biggest factor. Who’s place is it to do that to someone? When I moved back to Idaho from Utah where everything was perfectly fine, I instantly lost myself. Back to my old friends and wanting new things and trying to be someone else. I lost my boyfriend, I lost myself, I lost everything. At this point I have fixed my mistakes, I have gotten the trust back of the person I love and we are back together as is. The only problem is he moved away while I was busy losing myself with people who aren’t even important to me. So now I’m in a position where I need to prioritize and see what I need to do to fix the mess I am in and get back to the point of happiness. I need to get back to being the person I used to be and know I am. Love makes us do crazy things. Although the person you love may not be telling you every moment, or showing you when you feel they should, doesn’t mean they don’t think the world of you. People get comfortable and it’s a shame it happens but that doesn’t mean we should run to the first new guy who shows us attention. Yes, it may feel good and nice but that doesn’t make them the person you should be with forever. Maybe forever is a long time for being so young, but I know who I want to be with forever. I can feel it in my heart and in my bones. There isn’t anything more that I want then to be with him. I think I have a lot of searching to do but I’m slowly finding myself again and I couldn’t be happier to say that. I’m finding myself, and realizing what I want and WHO I want. I’ve been hurt, I’ve been down, I’ve been crushed and stepped on and broken-hearted, but I’m choosing to get back up and trying to be as strong as I can for myself. We will see where it takes me, I hope somewhere good filled with happiness and contentment. I couldn’t be more ready to do this, even if I have to do it by myself for a while. Here goes nothing.

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My First.

I am truly intrigued by blogging, why that is I really have no idea. I feel as though it’s a good way for me to express my emotions to people who may actually relate, or even care. I feel like here is where I’m safe to say whatever I want and not be necessarily be attacked. I think I like this freedom. Granted, some of you may not like my posts or my opinion on things, but I have the ability to really say it anyways. I’m not really sure how this goes, or what to say, or what to do because if you can’t already tell, this is my first time blogging. I’ve posted 1 blog, ever. So I keep thinking, “Do I introduce myself? Does it really even matter? Will anyone even read this stupid thing that I’m posting?” Well, here goes. I lead a pretty boring, but yet exciting to myself, life. I have a boyfriend of 2 years, a puppy, Oscar, who is now 1 year and 6 months old and my best friend. This dog is so important to me, I never thought I could ever love a dog this much and have this great of a relationship with one either, I mean, he is a dog right…I’m not sure I will ever get it, but for now I’m taking it. We had an apartment from hell, but were pushed out due to Oscar barking at annoying children running up and down the stairs everyday. So now we are currently residing at my mothers. I feel like I should explain how we ended up here, because I’m sure I know what your thinking at this point. We had to pay 2,000+ to just break our lease at our apartment to save our credit, and once we paid that we had nowhere to go because that was all of our money of course gone right down the drain in my opinion. Of course my mom, being the wonderful woman she is, invited us to stay with her until we get our next couple of checks so we can purchase a house. Did I mention I’m 20? Is it crazy to think I’m going to buy a house? Sometimes I think “What the hell are you thinking?” But at the same time, we have to start somewhere don’t we? We may not have riches, or nice things, but we are a family and we are willing to pull our shit together to get this damn house! Even if the extra hours at work kill me, I will work to get what I want. We deserve it. At any rate, this is where we are, this is where we are staying until we can put a down payment on a new place. And really, I’m okay with it. Of course it isn’t living in luxury, I have 2 brothers and 1 sister who also reside her along with my mother. It’s crazy, out of control, cluttered, loud, and yet I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love my family, I love where I’m at and we are shooting for bigger things, that can only mean good things are to come…..right?

Well now that you know more about me, not that it’s what you asked for, I hope that it helps you understand where my other posts may come from. I promise I will be writing more interesting posts in the future. At least that’s what I’m hoping for. This is my first, it is 8:45 AM in Murray, Utah and I have more to come 🙂

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